2020.08.06 05:49 FunPeach0 Part 5: Amazing In Depth Essay About Sopranos Symbolism and Subtext (credit: FlyOnMelfisWall source: thechaselounge.net)
2020.07.02 06:41 Tazirai Urban Legend: Me, a Smoke monster, and a girl with Amber eyes.
The girl With Amber Eyessubmitted by Tazirai to Wholesomenosleep [link] [comments]
It was an AMAZING day!
Hell, it had been an amazing week. I was finally off from work and my little mini-vacation was starting. I had been keeping track of the weather and made sure that the days I wanted to go on vacation would be great for some hiking and camping.
I live in Altoona, Pa. in the middle of the state. My role in life is to explore every state park in Pennsylvania. I decided that when I was a youngin, I would make it my life's goal to visit and write about every park I could travel to.
I'm a young man and as long as I stayed healthy and strong, I should be able to do it. There are 111 State Parks in Pennsylvania, 20 State Forests
1 National Forest, 1 National Memorial, 2 National Historic Sites, and 3 National Historic Parks. I've been to half of the State Forests, and thirty of the State Parks.
I usually start at the parks on the outside of the state and work Clockwise from Altoona, as the six o'clock position. But I have a friend who loves Black Moshannon State Park and she's always talking about how good the fishing is on the lake. She raves about the hiking and the trails and even though it's close to a highway, it's secluded enough to feel like you're in a world of your own. Which is what I needed.
I work at a Wawa and I kinda hit the lottery for a decent amount of money. Not enough to retire, but enough to afford my condo, keep up the HOA, and go on vacation when I wanted to. Which is what I'm doing now. So here we are. I'm gonna head up to Moshannon and see what the fuss is all about.
I woke up about 5:30 and finished loading up the car. I got some breakfast from the job and headed up Highway 99 then cut over to alternate 220. Then onto Beaver road as that would take me right into the middle of Black Moshannon, past the lake, and to the camping grounds. Since the Deer season was ending, the park's traffic would primarily be locals and the rare tourist. I got there by quarter to ten. The sun was high, and the air was cooler than average for August. It felt great! Good enough for a hike.
After setting up camp and securing the site with a few locks, I put on my hiking gear and decided to take a few of the "off-brand" trails heading north. I passed the bog near route 504. The panorama was amazing as the sun glistened off the waters by the banks, which were covered in oak, cherry, and pine trees. Trees that rose up the gentle slope of hills. I took in the fresh scent and decided after the hike, I'd do lunch then get in some fishing.
I hadn't seen a soul up here yet, outside of some cars on the road coming in, and the park ranger who guided me to my camping lot. It was about forty minutes into my hike when I had come across anything odd. I had taken pictures of some of the birds I saw and decided to make a mental note of the varieties I'd seen. There were Warblers, Teals, Black Ducks, Canadian geese, and other avian critters.
As I crossed over smaller bog path, I noticed a group of Woodpeckers chasing a flying Squirrel.
"Poor little critter," I said aloud to no one as I watched the aerial spat.
Then a plane flew overhead reminding me that no matter how far I go civilization was. "Hmm, what's that?" I noted as I heard some crunching in the grass. I noticed the chittering of the critters had moved on as they continued their conflict.
I knew black bears were native to this area so I wanted to make sure there was a good bit of distance between me and it, just in case it decided to charge. I followed the noise of the crunching up the hill and into a nearby clearing. Moving slowly as not to startle the bear, hell it might not even be a bear I thought, but deer or something else. It was neither. It was just another hiker like myself. Well, I guessed she was a hiker, but she didn't dress like one.
It was a young black girl probably late twenties a few years older than myself I thought. She had on a tank top with some bike shorts and sneakers. It was kind of odd as It was unseasonably cool. It was probably around fifty degrees or so, maybe a little warmer in the sunlight. She was carrying only one of those small backpack purses. She was very carefree as she walked, humming a tune, and swinging the pack about as she played with the fauna.
She walked to a grouping of stones and found a small tree stump and sat down. She gazed up at the sky and smiled. Damn, she was cute I thought as she looked about. Her hair was short and styled, high cheeks, nice pouty lips, with a fit athletic body, maybe only a few inches shorter than me. She pulled the pack to the front then looked inside. I guess to make sure she had what she needed out here, like keys or mace or something.
I thought it would be courteous to at least let her know I was out here so as not to startle her. But just as I decided to NOT come across as a "creeper" looking at a chick in the woods. I felt the air temperature just drop! I shook for a quick moment as a chill went down my spine.
"Whoo! Shit!" I said aloud, but not loud enough for her to hear me as I shivered.
"Musta been a breeze or something," I said to myself rubbing my arms.
As I gathered myself, I noticed the sky was almost imperceptibly darker. I mean the sun was still out, and the skies mostly clear, but it was almost like looking at the world through barely tinted sunglasses. Which I was not wearing. I started making my way to her and then I noticed her left hand. She was holding up her index finger. It...It was pointed in my direction. Had she seen me? There was no way! I was in the treeline, covered in shadow, and making my way around the bushes. She probably heard me curse and...
"What the fuck!" I cried as the chill returned with no breeze at all. I looked about frightened for some reason, I didn't know why. But I was scared as hell. I looked towards the girl, I had to warn her. But warn her of what? Me being scared shitless for no reason? Then I noticed her finger still up, but pointing directly at me, then wagging at me. Like, don't come here, stay put, stay where I was. Confused I decided to see what...
"HOLY FUCK!" I whispered to myself as I looked at her. Behind her. Behind her, what the hell is that? I tried to scream but my voice died out as my eyes went wide with terror, as she just sat there, not seeing the thing behind her. I tried to run but like my voice, my legs didn't want to work. I could only watch in horror as the creature slithered much like a snake as it approached her.
It rose behind her, its form like a dark whispy ripped overly large and long cloak. It was a cloak of floating darkness, the bottom and 'arms' were just like shredded bed sheets draped over a corpse. As the only true feature on it was the bony deer-like antlers, on its hooded and skeletal face. Moss, grass, and other detritus dangled loosely from its antlers. The skeletal face was human but overly large and its mouth a gaping pit of darkness, as was its eyeless pits. A crack ran from its temple into the darkness of the hood.
It reached for the girl as the pack dangled from her shoulder. No. It reached for the backpack. The shredded, handless hem of where it's arm should be gingerly reached for it. I wet myself as I knew that thing would kill her and she'd never even know it. I guess it was a blessing to die swiftly. But if it had seen me, I'd know how I would die. Death under a cloudless, sunny day, with the sounds of the woods to muffle my death cries, as the animals went about their days like this was normal.
To my shock, the girl pulled the backpack over her shoulder and craned her head to look behind her.
"You remember how you got that crease on that bony face of yours right?" She said to it with little emotion.
"Ah yes," It said, raising its sleeved arm to its head. "You, Abigail Mitchell of Philadelphia, assaulted me without provocation, I remember!"
"You did try to suck the life from me, If I remember correctly," she said back to the thing as if they had some fuckin rivalry or something.
"Did you get the items per my request?" The creature said as it floated to the front to face her as it towered over the sitting woman. The bottom of its smoke-like form swayed silently about a foot off the ground. But had it been touching the ground it would probably still be at least 10 feet tall. It glanced down at her...
"May I see it? To be sure it is what I asked for," the demonic specter hissed in its airy breath.
The girl looked to the backpack and reached inside. I could feel my legs quivering as I was both fascinated and terrified at the sight before me. My brain desperately tried to understand this whole thing. A human girl is having a conversation with some ghostly monstrosity, it's sunny and cloudless, and the sounds of the forest went on as normal. I think I even heard another plane overhead as my nose took in the smell of my urine, and my weak knees marinated in the stuff, too shaken to do anything else.
I watched on as the girl pulled something from the bag. It looked like a brass cup and a medallion. The creature hissed in pleasure as it rose above her its arms fluttering like some damned bird before it settled down again.
"This what you mean?" The girl said dangling the medallion and holding the brass cup before it. The creature shrunk towards the ground in an almost kneeling position. As it did so the front of its ethereal body began to glow in a small circular pattern about the size of the medallion.
"Do you also have the other thing?" It said excitedly. It's antlered head moving forward trying to look in the pack, She pulled it back and told it to...
"Take it easy!" she told it annoyed at the things eagerness.
"How long has it been?" She asked it, as she pulled forth another cup, and a small bottle or something.
The creature rose up and back as the light in the medallion dimmed some. It looked as if it was in contemplation.
"What human year is this now?" It asked.
"2019 of the common era." She told it.
"Three hundred seventy-four of your years, since I lost THAT!" It growled pointing to the medallion and the brass cup.
"Name your fee and let's be on with it!" It stated, the eagerness overriding its common sense, as its formless body shuddered in anticipation.
"I told you my fee when you made the request, that crack on the head knocked away some of your memory?" She asked it tapping her head.
"Are you serious? THAT was your fee? Not power, or influence, or money as you humans love so much? Not adoration, or some silly bargain?" It said to her, almost incredulously.
"A story!" she stated with a wide grin on her face.
"A story?" I said to myself.
"Why something so small? Why not something of significance?" The creature asked her. I too was curious about this.
"Because my job is to collect the history of as many things as I can. I'm also a sucker for a good story. Stories are significant. I know somewhere in that spectral skull of yours, you've seen and done some shit. Just tell me one," she said holding up a finger.
"You are...very curious for a human Abigail Mitchell of Philadelphia." It replied to her.
"How long have you been around?" she asked the thing.
"Thousands of your years. Why?"
"Tell me a story of something...eight hundred, no! One thousand years back!" she stated as she placed her elbows on her knees and cupped her face like a damned kid at camp around a campfire. She even had the silliest damned grin on her face. Who was she? What was she?
How could she sit around that thing like it was normal? I hadn't realized it, but I found myself sitting also, on a dry patch of the ground looking on intensely. I must be suffering from brain damage or something. Fear mixed with intrigue, mixed with heightened curiosity. I too waited for the story of the thing.
"Very well curious one! The story I will tell you is of a really stupid boy, and his equally stupid family," The creature began.
I watched as the ethereal smoke demon with horns bent in front of the girl. It began to tell its tale.
"Tell me girl what do you know of the worlds beyond?" It asked this Abigail person.
"Well, having been to several, and being stuck on one when I was 12 for a year quite a bit, but not as much as you I suspect," she replied.
"A little less than a thousand Earth years ago, I had come to your world at the bequest of a being more capable than I. I was to replace another who had failed in the task of corrupting a lord of some standing," the creature said as it rose to mid-height again.
"Because of the unique situation, I did not need to be summoned. I left my world and when I found the failure, I sent it home in the messiest way possible. After, I told it of the punishment that awaited it. The forest of the lord was not quiet that night."
I grimaced in horror, as the thing acted out how it sent the other monster home. It floated in a wide circle and pointed to an imaginary location on the ground. It raised its right sleeve as tendrils of smoky mist formed four footlong dagger-like claws. It then dove to the ground snatching up nothing.
No, It formed a dark silhouette of another creature with its smoke. This inhuman monster writhed in the creature's grasp.
The Abigail girl watched, her eyes wide with excitement, as I noticed a slight orange glow to them. She smiled as the shadow monster plunged its clawed sleeve into the other things gut. The tips of the claws sticking out the back as smoky 'blood' dripped from them. It then spun its clawed sleeve to the right and then slashed to the left, as the 'creature' it held fell in two pieces. Smoke blood bursting from the torso, before all of it vanished back into nothing.
"You just had to do that, didn't you?" she smirked, as she shook her head.
"I despise failure, and I did enjoy it!" It stated, "I searched about the forest for a place to lair and make my plans to corrupt this lord, I noticed the many farms and hovels that doted the area. The humans of this time were very easy to scare, at least in this realm. I could use this to my advantage."
It moved down while rubbing its bone chin. This damned thing loved to milk it.
"If I could determine why the other had failed, then I could learn how to best influence this area and bring the lord to heel." It said.
"What was so important about this lord? Why did he in particular need to be corrupted. He wouldn't have much say in the affairs of war or peace. It seems like he just oversaw Hamlets and farms?" She quizzed.
The creature moved close to her and seemed to smile. Raising the sleeve.
It gloated as it moved backward, arms out to its sides.
"I assume you know of the war that rages between us so-called Devils, Demons, and Fiends? The war that serves no purpose, other than to find out which of us, will lead the war against the Celestial realms?"
"Well, considering all wars pretty much serve no purpose long term, but yes, I know of the Red War, seen a skirmish or two myself," She replied.
"All wars need resources, which is why we terrorize the material worlds for assets, to assist us. If I could corrupt this lord, poison the minds of his people. I would then slaughter them down to the last child. He would tend and raise them as the chattel for foot soldiers in our realm. He serves no greater goal on Earth! Earth simply gave him the spark we seek. Earth..," He grumbled in disgust.
"I see! So, how do the dumb kid and his family fit in?" she asked him. I too was curious.
"Patience human!" It said. Its back turned to shake its sleeved hand.
"I decided to not hunt anyone in particular yet. So at night, I would haunt the local tavern, and learn all I could of this Lord Mathrinin. Although he was not a particularly kind or benevolent ruler, he was just and orderly. Perfect for our ends. We just needed to twist him to our needs."
"As the weeks went on I decided to begin. A dead pig here. Slaughtered cattle there. My favorite was to chase Bears into the farmlands and watch as the humans raised hunting parties. I would terrorize them into thinking the woods were haunted. I would give them the briefest glimpse of my form. Just to know it was occupied. My plan seemed to be working. Which stymied me. If my plan was working, why hadn't the others?"
I think this is where he finds out why. He paused as if in thought, and floated about in a circle around Abigail.
"Competition!" It exclaimed.
That made sense to me. If all sides in this 'Hell War' needed supplies and troops, why would he, IT! Be the only 'recruiter' sent out to gather them? So, the Devil didn't need our souls for torturing, but as foot soldiers in a war against God?
Wait, he...It said Realms, plural. Not THAT Satan, but lots of them? Well, not Satan at all, but Fiends, Demons, and Devils? I am so confused and terrified at the idea of an infinity of hells and their rulers.
"There was another recruiter about, trying to perform the same task as I," it began. "This time instead of learning of the lord, I would seek out information on the lore and legends of this place. That had to be the reason the other failed. A haunting that countered another. I was intrigued and vengeful. My reward awaited me, and I had to learn who, or what my competitor was, and deal with it!"
It then settled on the ground and looked at her, then paused and nearly looked in my direction. Swear to God If I had eaten anything heavier earlier, I would have shit my pants. I didn't move at all, the girl knew I was here. If she had sensed any danger I'd like to think she would have shouted a warning or something. But instead, the creature continued.
"That night I scouted the town and hung back in the rafters of the tavern. But you know our kind tends to hackle the hairs of humans and they become just a bit more fearful in our presence, even if they can't see us. I listened for hours of dogs, wives, mistresses, friends lost, dreams of travel, escaping the town, and my favorite, the thing in the woods." It laughed as it referenced itself.
"But then I heard something odd, apparently there was a home to the north of the Lords keep. This home was something of a magnet for the strange and odd, even the other before I killed it, mentioned something blocking it from entering that home. It had felt challenged and didn't know why. I went there Immediately!"
"SO," Abigail began, "let me stop you there. After you discover that there may be something in this house capable of putting the fear of God in the other fiend, you decide to take it on? You're leaving out something!"
"No wonder you were able to do this to my head, you're not slow at all," it replied, then continued, "The other had warned me of a home where it felt it's earthly existence was in danger. It had confronted a boy in the home because the boy had access to the lord. Sadly, the boy had other ideas. It seems the boy had a thing for picking fights with, well, everything."
"What?" I nearly blurted out loud, luckily Abigail did it for me.
"What? The kid was some kind of bully or something?" She asked.
"No! He was just extremely territorial, and a bit of a dunce. He could move things with his mind, but he thought he was protected by Fairies, Goblins, and Poltergeists. He was about nine and they were all in his head, of course, but he could 'See' them. I hadn't known that at the time," it said.
"When I arrived at the home it was early in the morning and the child was out doing farming tasks. His father had made a run into town, and his mother was something of a soothsayer and was setting up her equipment to consult with the lord. The boy was having an intense conversation with something invisible to my eyes. But I was astounded to see tools, wheat, and other things floating on their own, and the mother not surprised or scared in the least."
"I had needed a closer look, were the tales of this house true? I moved to the shadows in the shed and observed."
"Thistle move this thing there! Morgane put the wheat in the barrel, please. Grumblestix, stop grumbling and help Biscuits with the water. Father won't be gone all day! Mother wants to see Mathrinin in an hour, so we need this place looking well when he arrives," the boy told the invisible things.
"I was astonished as these invisible beings toiled and worked as the boy barked his commands. An Idea formed in my head. I may not be able to see what he does, but perhaps I could become a new member of his Spirit Troupe. But I was already too late, for he had noticed me," the thing said.
"Well, well, this is getting interesting!" Abigail said rubbing her hands and crossing her legs in anticipation.
I must admit I didn't think things would escalate this fast. I was entranced.
"You can come out Smokeman!" the boy called to me, I had to admit that I was shocked. I hadn't been this surprised in centuries.
"Gold hair saw you coming from over that way," the boy pointed, "I saw you in the woods a few days ago when you chased the Bears into town. I was wondering why you would send Bears. The last one tried to scare me with Dear, but there's no scary Dear. You kind of have Dear antlers, I like it. Who are you?"
"I must admit, I had not known you could see me," I stated, " I apologize for not introducing myself to you. I came to your town a few weeks ago, I made my home in the woods because of how I look, I didn't think your people would like me."
"Well, that's silly!" He said, "Gold hair isn't that cute but I like him. Look at Grumblestix he said pointing. Grumble what are you again? A mud fairy? Grumble looks worse than you! hahaha."
I couldn't see Grumblestix.
The smoke thing rose up and bellowed, "I terrify EVERYTHING! The forest itself fears me, I bring shadow and darkness to the world. I rend Fiends and Celestials. The lower realms shake when I come. But this boy laughed in my face, he wasn't afraid at all."
"My father will be home soon, do you want to stay for Midday meal? I and the others need to finish working Smokeman. I'm sorry, My name is Bregin. Do you have a name?"
"You can call me Smokeman. That name is fine," I told him as I watched the invisible creatures go back to work. This would be easy I thought to myself. The boy was special but not confrontational, a rarity in your species. I would corrupt him and the lord. My bonus would be grand. What shocked me most was when his mother came out to see how the work went. She looked at me and nodded her head.
"Good day Spirit, come to visit Bregin? Here Bregin, your meal. I'll be off to the keep to escort the lord back. Will you be staying for Midday Meal spirit?" She asked me.
"Yes milady. May I meet the lord of this place once you return?" I asked of her thinking, Humans were so odd.
"Of course, the lord is always pleased to meet Bregin's friends, they've brought luck to our small farming haven, Mayhaps he'd have a post for one such as you. I'll ask him. On the by, my name is Labine. My husband will host you when he returns at Midday sir...?"
"Your son calls me Smokeman, I like the name," I told her.
"Sir Smokeman!" She nodded smiling and mounting a horse and riding off.
"That's how most of your kind sees me, haha!" I heard Abigail tell him, "How confused were you?"
"Very! I've noticed your species can only be terrified so much. You start weak, scared, and easy prey, but the more you see our kind, the less afraid you become. It is very annoying," It told her, "But I stayed and helped the boy to pass the time and noticed he would run off now and then, only to come back smiling and laughing. He would look at me, just stare, giggle then runoff. It was maddening!"
"Continue, continue..." Abigail told it.
I could feel the climax coming. I swear it did seem like the ending was coming, but things didn't play out like I thought they would. The monster had set off his plan, the townspeople had formed hunting parties to seek it out to defend their homes, weeks of hauntings had not seemed to rattle the people much at all, this not so benevolent lord chills with the peasants, and the smoke monster is helping a nine-year-old around the farm, who turned out to not be a jackass? I wasn't expecting this, I am so intrigued, terrified yes, but intrigued. It kept me rooted in place.
When Midday arrived the father had returned home, but something was amiss, he wasn't alone. The town had come with him. There were dozens of them about, humans everywhere. The boy had come back from one of his vanishing episodes. He waved enthusiastically to the townsfolks.
"Father! Welcome back!" He yelled and ran to his dad. What worried me most was the sheer lack of fear in any of them. I had made no move to hide my presence from them, and people just bantered about, chatting and laughing with each other as a ghostly smoke monster floated about them. What made me query this situation, even more, was that I had been in this place for weeks, and had never seen people leave to go to a farm for 'Midday Meal'.
"Well met strange spirit, I am Bregin's father Jace. We welcome you to Midday. Sadly there are far too many for me to introduce you to," Bregin's father said. As he spoke I noticed another cloud of dust coming from around a hill. It was a small retinue of the lord, his men, his wife, and Bregin's mother.
"Mother! Mathrinin!" Bregin cried out in joy.
"Bregin," she smiled waving to him.
"Well met Young Bregin. How goes your day?" the lord smiled with genuine sincerity, "are you and your friends well?"
"Yes Mathrinin, they all helped with the farming today. I even met a new friend. Sir Smokeman."
"Hail and well met, Sir Smokeman. How are things in the realm of spirits?" the Lord said to me. I was genuinely taken aback.
"Things are well? Sire. I am new to your realm. Bregin, for one so young, is a gracious and mirthful host," I told him turning to Bregin who had the widest grin upon his face.
"Jace," Lord Mathrinin called out, "Have you the item Labine mentioned before we enjoy Midday?"
"I do sire!" Jace reached into a pack and pulled out a Medallion with the town's name on it, and Bregin's smiling face. He gave it to Mathrinin.
Activity began to occur around me as drinks were poured, and food served, by the townspeople.
"Sir Smokeman, can you partake of ale?" Labine asked me, "You are of smoke yes?"
"I can drink when I feel in need of merriment," I responded.
"Good, I'll have Bregin fetch you the drink," she said smiling warmly.
Moments later Lord Mathrinin came to me with the Medallion in hand.
"In honor of Bregin and his friends and the fortune they have deemed smile upon this town, we honor Sir Smokeman, a new friend to Bregin and our village. Sir Smokeman?" He said giving me the medallion carefully.
"I appreciate your hospitality Milord, and thank you for such a gift," I told him, faking sincerity.
"NOW, hear ye, hear ye! We begin our Midday meal with a toast to Sir Smokeman!" Mathrinin called to all.
Bregin ran to grab my drink from his mother. When he returned to me, I was rooted to the spot as looked in horror as Bregin came up to me with that brass cup, MY, brass cup.
I watched as the smoke monster pointed to the cup in Abigail's hand.
That cup was my tether to this world. That cup was a gift given to me in a time so long ago, I had forgotten how I gained it. But it was mine, and I was connected to it. My fear is that if that cup is ever destroyed or lost. I will be lost. I would do anything to recover that cup. It has taken me hundreds of years to find that cup.
"Well finish the story Smokeman, and it's yours again. Pay up!" Abigail said straightly, adding, "It wasn't all in his head was it?"
The creature shook his head.
When Bregin held the cup before me, his father and mother stood at his sides with Lord Mathrinin taking a step back smiling, head down.
"Where did you get that?" I yelled with a deep menace in my throat. I planned to slay these usurpers, damn my payment, and the corruption, they deserved death.
"Sorry, sir Smokeman. But remember the night you arrived at our village, out there in the forest? You did something you shouldn't have. You killed the being we called, S'tavros. That being over time had become one of Bregin's friends. We know he arrived here as many have in the past to corrupt or murder us. We found this in your home. You see our son is special. He has a special relationship with beings like you," Bregin's father said.
"My son is part, Fey. His Grandfather, my father, told me that if I were to ever fall for a human in true love. That I would be able to bear a child that would bridge our world, and the land where I chose to live, would fall under the protection of the Fey court, and my son or daughter, would have the power of fairy at their beck and call," his mother said, her face altering to reveal sharp angular features and pointed ears.
"What is this?" I asked looking about. The residents of the town looked on, as all around us creatures began to appear, all manner of Goblin, Fairy, and Poltergeist. When I turned to look back at Bregin, he was floating directly in my face, cup in hand offering me the drink.
"I think you should drink this!" He said smiling, but his child voice flat as dirt.
"We were never afraid of you or your kind, demon, or devil," Mathrinin said walking forward, " when you arrived we knew. We had hoped that you would attempt to make contact earlier, and perhaps parlay with us, enjoy your stay in our town."
"But you killed my friend. So now I can't be your friend. Friends don't kill friends. Please drink. Let this drink show that we would have welcomed you with open arms," Bregin said giving me the drink.
"And..." I thought to myself as the creature spoke to Abigail.
I took a long draft of the cool ale. I truly wanted to destroy them. But there were just too many, and I had nowhere to go. I would not win a war with the Fey.
"May I keep the cup? It is dear to me." I told the boy.
"No! For your punishment, we will banish you from this place with an Earthly death. You will return to your home, and when this town eventually returns to the Fairy realm. Your cup will be here. No matter what grows, your cup will be here, no matter the town or city, nothing will touch this spot, your cup will be here. However, after several hundred years, You can return. But, you have a length of time equal to one year to reclaim the cup. If you do not, it will wither and rust," Bregin told me no longer sounding like a child, but more like the King of Fairy.
"...and so I suspect shall you. It would behoove you to act swiftly, as your memories of this place will start to turn vague, and dreamlike, much like the Fey lands. The Medallion will be the key to recover the cup, but it too shall be found elsewhere. Find the Medallion, find the cup. Now begone from the sight of these humans and Fey, you're no longer wanted here!"
With that, he touched my skull, and I exploded. My next awareness was of the lower realms on the banks of the Lethe. For hundreds of years, I roamed impatiently even fighting in the Red War directly. I thought the time would never arrive for me to come back to this worthless world. But, during one battle, I was summoned, and when I arrived. I impatiently waited for my inexperienced summoner to fail. She did and died for it, and my search began.
"Then I'd heard of you, and here we are, Abigail Mitchell, of Philadelphia," it said.
"Is that why you say my name and home all the time?" She asked, "To never forget?
"I really enjoyed that Sir Smokeman," She said handing the creature and the Cup and Medallion.
Then she pulled out a bottle of what looked like Heineken or something. She poured some into its cup, then into hers.
I was actually happy that the skull face got his cup back. It was a small thing, but even small things can be important.
"A toast?" She said raising the cup.
"Yes. To that Stupid child and his equally stupid family, for centuries of woe and torment," it said.
"To that Stupid child and his equally stupid family!" Abigail said as their cups touched and they took a drink.
"What now?" she asked it.
"I will take this grinning medallion as a symbol of my failure, my cup, and leave this plane forever. I despise this world. But first, we have unfinished business," the creature said as it turned to look directly at me.
ALL the fear came back along with a new stream of urine. I got up and turned to flee as fast as I could!
"Give me 5 seconds?" I heard Abigail ask it.
Then I saw her run towards me with inhuman speed, her eyes like fire, and the veins beneath her skin glowing like lava flows.
I crashed through everything in my way. Tripping and falling, and not giving a single shit.
I tripped and began to roll down a hill. I was stopped when I hit a small log. Stunned for a moment. I sat up and looked about and listened. I didn't see or hear anything. I grabbed the log to stand and there she was.
"Hiya!" was all I remember before a fist collided with my face.
I awoke to the smell of fish cooking, my cuts and bruises cleaned up, a beer in the coozie next to my chair.
"There he is! I was wondering if you were gonna wake up before your beer got warm," she said tossing a fish on a plate.
"Where...where's that smoke thing?" I asked frantically looking about.
"Don't worry, he's gone. He knew you were there the whole time too," she told me, "But don't worry about him, he's not coming back. However, because you were close to him, you got a little taint on ya. Creeps like him can smell ya if you're close to them now. But don't worry I took care of that problem too," She told me tapping her left shoulder, her eyes glowing.
I looked down at my left shoulder as I felt a dull throb of heat. There was a mark glowing orange just underneath my skin. I looked back to her and asked,
"Are you gonna tell me a story about this?"
2020.01.16 20:19 J-Logs_HER My Final views on the Crossover, Spoilers for those who haven't finished it, but f*** the Paragons!
2018.11.14 19:47 BodatheDestroyer Losing
2018.10.31 23:09 PoetryAreWe META WARS - SEASON 2 - Prologue / Code Red / The Merchant and the Mod - EPISODE 1
2016.12.29 09:35 UncleRukhus [IIL] My Wife and Kids, Two and a Half Men, and Rick and Morty [WEWIL]
2016.09.29 04:21 poetniknowit AHS S6 E2 Belated Thoughts While Watching the Episode
2016.03.15 21:41 kelseyxiv Kristen Doute .... I'm not buying what she's selling (grading her season 4 self)
2015.07.04 13:01 radiogekko I wrote a DS9 Season One guide while drunk. Here it is!
2015.02.20 20:08 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: I am Craig Robinson. AMA!
|What is the best burger you have ever eaten? What is your favorite beer?||Oh, hamburger...gosh, what's the place? It's a place in... not Iowa...just outside of Columbia, Missouri, there's a place with a burger - I can't remember the place - but the burger was insane. I can almost taste it right now, and this was like, 7 years ago! It was pretty incredible. I just probably got plain lettuce, tomato, and ketchup, and cheese but WOOO! It was insane! And the bread - oh, dear God, the bread...|
|Favorite beer, right now, is Kronenberg.|
|Craig, who do you think is going to end up winning the throne in Game of Thrones? Would you want to act in a serious drama like that? Also, you're kinda funny. Keep up the good work champ!||Uh... I'm on the second season, so please don't spoil it for me.|
|Lannisters, is my hope! Because, first of all, I wish what'shisname would come back, the one they killed. But I mean, Lannisters just seem so noble - wait, no, it's the Starks, yeah. That's what I meant.|
|I'm like, one episode into the second season. I'm really behind! I need to do some binge-ing!|
|And yes, I'd love to act in something like Game of Thrones. Absolutely.|
|Craig! Big fan of The Office and Pineapple Express. My question is how do you spend your typical day?||Get up, go to the gym.|
|After driving past the gym, go get some breakfast.|
|Field some emails and phone calls.|
|Go back to the gym, and say "I'm doing it this time."|
|Get distracted, remember an appointment, go to said appointment, get some lunch.|
|Wallow in pity about not going to the gym.|
|In the evening, I will probably prepare for tomorrow. Focus on going to the gym the next day.|
|What do you miss most about playing Darryl and being a part of The Office? I'd imagine it was very emotional while shooting the finale.||Hope you enjoy HOT TUB. Darryl, I miss Darryl and everythin' about playing him. It was the character that pretty much introduced me to the world. So yea, it was very emotional, and just the fun of being entertained on-set everyday by those caliber actors, and being counted as one, was awesome.|
|I loved you in This Is the End as well! You're hilarious. Can't wait to see more of you, especially Mr. Robinson!||But I am headed into a new venture with NBC called "Mr. Robinson," so Darryl has propelled me to that height.|
|How did you first transition from being a music educator to being an actor?||Very carefully.|
|I took my time. I was cultivating my craft, and then I got an opportunity by way of a development deal where I was able to leave teaching and come to LA and develop some more and figure out how to get into the game.|
|What was the funniest moment you've had working on any movie? Saying hi all the way from Iqaluit, Nunavut!||That's incredibly awesome.|
|Funniest moment of any movie was probably THIS IS THE END, when Danny McBride took the gun out of his mouth and said "That's what I thought," we couldn't keep it together. Nope.|
|You play an exaggerated version of yourself in This is the End. What parts of your actual personality did you want to make sure came through in the performance? What was it like adding fictionalized personality traits that might differ greatly from your actual self?||Well, there's a part in there where I say I gouged a guy's eyeballs out? So that's not real, you know. That was weird. But the other stuff, you know - as far as the real stuff, I wanted to make sure I said "Take your panties off" in my song.|
|Hi Craig - when was the last time you had a chimichanga?||About 7 years ago, 8 years ago, 10 years ago.|
|10 years ago.|
|WAITWAITWAIT WAIT - they served them on THE OFFICE from time-to-time, so I bet about 3 years ago.|
|So Craig, what was the first joke you ever told on stage? How did it go?||I said "Jesus musta been black, and had an Afro, because where else did he hide all that fish and bread?"|
|It didn't go that well.|
|What happened in Cincinatti and what's in the shoebox in the closet?||Now, you know there's no way I can answer that.|
|Let's make HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 3 happenin' and then we can answer those questions.|
|Hi Craig, do you have any childhood pets you would like to fondly reminisce about?||GIDGET! I had a cat named Gidget, who was awesome, and I miss, and you know, we had her for a few years. That was my li'l homie. She was gray.|
|How much fun was doing the PG porn?||Oh, we had a great time! James Gunn, you know, I didn't know what I was in for, but we were crackin' up the whole day.|
|Hey dude, much love. What was it like being a comedian at Sasquatch? Any cool stories from the experience?||Sasquatch was great! It was pretty legendary, actually.|
|And I ended up hanging out with Hannibal Buress, so there was a bonus.|
|Was that close to how you looked when you were younger in real life when you looked in the mirror in HTTM 1?||I did have a hi-top fade like that, in college. So if I can find one of those pictures, I'll post 'em, but yes. But I wasn't as handsome as that dude.|
|What are your favorite soul records?||The list is too long. But how 'bout we go with "Fantasy" by Earth Wind & Fire. And then Marvin Gaye, "I want you."|
|Craig, Huge fan of your work. I especially loved This is the End. How hard was it to keep a straight face with so many hilarious people in the cast? Who was the person that made people break the most during takes?||It was next-to-impossible to keep a straight face, but at some point, you realize it's what you're paid to do. And Danny McBride was the one who cracked everybody up the most.|
|CRAIG!! I feel like there has to be a good story behind the name “ The Nasty Delicious” . How did it come about?||"The Nasty Delicious" is... the "nasty" is for funky. And the "delicious" is just cuz they play so good. Yeah. I wish there was a better story, haha!|
|Mr. Robinson, do you watch Game of Thrones? If so who is your favorite house/characters?||Yes. Starks. And it's so hard to choose a favorite character. But I like little-girl-Stark, with her sword-thing.|
|If you were to be any superhero in any movie, who would you play?||Hmmm.|
|Take Yo' Panties Off Man.|
|He can make panties drop in a single song!|
|NICE! WAY TO GO!|
|As a current Illinois State student I was just wondering what your favorite thing was about college or this school in particular?||Lemme see... favorite thing about college would be the - it's like a fantasy world, there you go, where you have some responsibility, but really not.|
|Craig, what is your favorite pokemon and why? I expect a well thought out answer containing 500 words or less. Also will you write me a letter of recommendation for medical school. Ty.||Pikachu. Cuz it's the only one that I know.|
|And absolutely! If you do some medical work for me. And then I will see how you do. It would be an honest recommendation.|
|Do you have any plans of doing a stand up special? Ive been a big fan since office, and loved finding some of your old stand up stuff.||There's some preliminary chatter about it right now. But I'm focused on the live shows, and this new sitcom, Mr. Robinson, on NBC.|
|Who is your best smelling co-star of all time?||HMMM.|
|Kerry Washington. She smells like rainbows and sunshine.|
|Hey Craig, want to kick it in Madison, WI?||Whadyou mean, would I like to? I have kicked it there, and it's awesome!|
|I saw you driving down Venice Blvd. in your black Camaro. You were going the opposite direction as me and we were both stopped. I looked at you and gave a little wave and you just ignored it. My question is, what's your favorite breakfast cereal and why?||BWAHAHA!|
|If I ignored it, it means I clearly didn't see you. I'm not an ignorerer.|
|Favorite breakfast cereal? Lemme see, hmm. Can I say oatmeal? I'm just gonna go with oatmeal.|
|Love you in This is the End. What does Emma Watson smell like?||Hehe! I don't recall? Hehehe! But I can tell you she is super-sweet, and super-fun.|
|Do you think you would be responsible enough to have a Gremlin as a pet? How badly would this end? What I am trying to say is you should be in a Gremlins remake.||I would love to be in a GREMLINS remake. And I actually own 3 Gremlins. I have no idea where they are now.|
|Do you prefer waffles? Or are you a pancake kinda man?||HMMM.|
|Waffles. Pancakes fill me up, so fast.|
|Craig... When was the sweatiest you've ever been and how sweaty was it? Like in terms of liters of sweat and what brought it on?||Um...probably 100 liters? And I had lied to my father, and I was awaiting punishment.|
|What was the punishment?||A beatdown. Is that too sad to say? It was a different time.|
|Are you going to be joining us at Bonnaroo again this year?!||I hope so! I'm not on the schedule, but I hope to at least partake in it.|
|Favorite place to eat in Los Angeles?||BEST BLUE CRAB HANDROLLS IN THE CITY.|
|Who can handle your midriff?||Um...|
|There's only a few. And they are chosen.|
|Whats the 1 role/movie that got away? or a career role?||The 40 Year Old Virgin, the manager.|
|What is Dwight like off set?||Focused. Focused, with a wicked sense of humor.|
|Just wondering, is there such a thing a free titties?||No. Not at all. Not even if you have beads, in some cases.|
2013.08.06 03:58 tabledresser [Table] IamA Pirate Reenactor and Educator, building a Pirate Ship, AMA!
|What is your opinion on Alestorm?||Very fun music. Good live shows.|
|Can is ask if there is a lot of period specification about being a Pirate and what the most annoying misconception about pirates are? I'm a late imperial roman reenactor and there is a knee jerk reaction to say anything that isnt hollywood typical is non roman. Do you get the same reaction with any of your kit?||Most annoying misconceptions are bucket boots and saying "ARRR!" There is very limited evidence for sailors to have boots like those made popular by Hollywood, and a lot of evidence of pirates going barefoot or wearing the same buckled shoes as everyone else did. ARRR was made popular by the 50's film of Treasure Island starring a drunk from Wales. That's how Robert Newton spoke, but everyone liked it so much they started mimicking him in the sequel and the TV shows that followed.|
|Robert Newton was from Dorset in England. He had a thick West Country accent, which is the basis for the stereotypical pirate accent.||I learned something new today. I had always heard he was from Wales.|
|Drunks from Wales!?! Tall tales I tell ya...||Sad, but true.|
|Sounds brilliant! is there any clear evolution/development of Pirate gear through the age? If you had to put one piece of kit up at your desk to show off what would it be?||Yes. What was being worn in 1650 is pretty different than what was worn by 1725. Especially for the English, as they were known to wear trousers. I'd show off with my blunderbuss, because it impresses the lubbers.|
|Oh, also sailors developed shorter waistcoats than lubbers.|
|So we're paying for your private yacht? Why?||Not exactly. I am looking for people to pledge so that a pirate ship can be built and then used for educational programming. As for the "why", because it is a cool project with good rewards. Don't care about the project or rewards? Don't pledge.|
|Oh my gosh the project pledge rewards are like treasure in and of themselves. I'm dying to crew for a week!!!||Thankee. I think we have some fun rewards for pledges. Toss down the loot, and once we finish building come out for a cruise!|
|Step 1: Become pirate. Step 2: Free drinks. Step 3: Profit?||Still waiting on Step 3 here. But the drinks are nice.|
|You pretty much have my dream job. What's the most difficult part of your job, or something that you have to deal with that you didn't think would be part of the "life of a pirate"?||The "worst" part of my job is having people scream "ARRR" at me all the time. It really gets annoying quickly. That and when people shout "the British" are coming". That being said, those people for the most part see someone who enjoys life and what they are doing and in a strange way are usually trying to join in the fun.|
|Second worse is sailing in really bad weather while wearing historical gear. The wet pirate smell is pretty funky.|
|The historical garb looks so good! I like the way people dressed back then. Anyway,I wish you the best in the project. it sounds like a lot of fun.||Thankee. BTW- a good vendor for some kit is: Link to jas-townsend.com Check out their slops. Osnaburg and checked shirts are what most sailors would have.|
|So.. you dont punctuate your sentences with Arrr?||I'll admit to the random druncken "ARRR", but generally no. I speak the Queen's when on duty.|
|Edit: what about things like "me hearties"?||I don't use "me hearties", but I do call my ship mates mates from time to time. And I definitely call lubbers lubbers.|
|Thank you. I used to be in the SCA and actually have some garb.||Nice. I play with the SCA and LHA from time to time. Always fun getting together with friends to exchange bruises.|
|It was fun,but after 13 years,we got tired of it and no longer are involved.||I hear you. I have played with them for about 20 years, and have never gotten involved with drama or politics, so I still have fun at the ocassonal practice or war weekend.|
|What compromises will have to be made with the new ship to comply with modern day OH&S regulations? Will this pirate ship be dotted with bright orange life preservers all over the deck and enough life rafts for all crew and guests?||We will need to have a working head, engine and prop, modern helm, etc. Our life preservers will be kept in wooden deck boxes, so out of sight. We will be mostly staying near coastal, so life boats are optional. For longer voyages we will need to put them on though. Other things on deck will be fire extinguishers, signs. Happily, a lot of modern gear can be camouflaged.|
|How do you feel about modern day piracy? Both online and in foreign seas.||Online piracy I think is one of the dumbest things governments have ever tried to persecute. But, money is being lost, so someone needs to be made an example of. As for sea pirates today, they are doing it for the same reasons that pirates have always done it: there is too much money to be made doing it to resist, and not very good alternatives. Generally speaking pirates are working class people and always have been. For example Somalia has no infrastructure and their fishing waters have been decimated. They can pirate or starve.|
|Thank you :) what about headgear? Helmets have alwasy been my fetish for ancients, did the Pirates only ever wear soft caps (makes sense) or was there any form of armor used? Also have you ever seent he deadliest warrior pirate vs knight episode? what was your opinion on it?||I have seen examples of boarding helmets that were thick leather caps. That is about the only armor for pirates I know of. Some Spanish were still wearing breast plates though, but I wouldn't dream of it on a boat. I did see that episode, and I call shenanigans. They used a bunch of pseudo science for no good reason as far as I can tell. The truth of the matter is that the winner is the bigger bastard. There is no definite "such and such would do it this way", because soldiers, warriors, fighters, what have you do not always follow a set path of action. They adapt or die.|
|It's hard to keep wit dry on a pirate ship. The dude is trying to help educate youngins on history, give him a break... or are you still pissy about the Gaspee and those barbarous colonies?||Yeah! Someone else heard of Gaspee! We actually celebrate that here in Rhode Island EVERY YEAR!|
|What's the role of women in the world of pirates back in the day? If a woman wanted to join your project/ your ship crew, do they have to dress as a man?||Back in the day there is some evidence of women as active crew. More usually, women that associated with sea rovers were of negotiable virtue. Women will be able to join as crew, and we have some fine ones already active within our group. Yes, crew dress as men. Flouncy skirts and rigging don't mix, and generally you don't want to go aloft nd show everyone your knickers.|
|Well hello there! We know each other, and I just wanted to say that I'm so proud of what you've accomplished! <3 LL. My only question is: what is the most awesome part of your job?||The most awesome part of my job? Waking up in a hammock knowing that I'll get the opportunity to spend my day sailing, singing, talking, firing guns, and working with some of the best people I have ever met.|
|Or, travelling to new ports, meeting new friends, and enjoying fellowship with other reenactors from all over.|
|How did you get into this? How does someone like me get started into something like this. I've been wanting to do this myself, even when people try to tell me there's no such thing as a "black pirate". I've had little experience with this when I worked at Renaissance Faires, but I was quiet back then so I didn't talk much. Which fictional series (movie, book, tv) do you think has best represented the pirate culture?||Are you in New England? We are always looking for new crew. If not, then I'd start with a google search of "pirate living history" and the name of the state you are in. I started my own group, because I'm obstinate, but there are times I wish I had joined another living history group before I started on my own. It would have saved a few stumbles. As for "No such thing as a black pirate", those people are WRONG! During the Golden Age of Piracy it was common for crews in the New world to be up to 30% black. And those men were treated as equals, getting an equal share and a vote in what happened on the boat (pirate ships ran as democracies). Edit: Slave owners were often terrified of pirates, not because of them attacking, but because they were known to happily accept runaway slaves as members of their crews. This is not to say all pirates were anti-slave. Henry Every was known throughout the Gold Coast as someone to trick blacks into coming aboard so he could then sell them. But a higher percentage of European pirates than land dwelling Europeans seemed to condemn the practice.|
|The best fictional series that I know of to portray pirate life: the newest Treasure Island starring Eddie Izzard is pretty good, but Hollywood has never been able to due justice to these men.|
|I wish. I reside in Central Florida at the moment. Any books you recommend reading?||Johnson's General History of Pirates is a good start, but please bear in mind a lot of his stories are changed to have moral endings and sell books 300 years ago. Republic of Pirates by Woodard is a fun read. And Exqumelin's The Buccaneers of North America is good primary source documentation.|
|What are your feelings towards King George III?||I never met the man, but I bear him no ill. He was no Queen Ann, who I hold in high regard, I'll tell you that much.|
|Awh, does that mean we won't see your crew at the burning of the Gaspee next year?||I hope we'll be there. I love that event! *edit: this was the first year in 5 we, as a group, didn't participate. I was still there for a good part of Saturday. Love Gaspee.|
|Did you know that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (NFL team) have a pirate ship INSIDE THEIR STADIUM?!?!?!||Sounds cool. Can you get me in touch with their PR people? :D.|
|Who is your favorite pirate, and why is it Thomas Paine?||My favorite pirate, if I were to have one, would probably be "Black Bart" Roberts. Very impressive track record of 400 vessels taken in three years.|
|I do like Paine, mostly because he has the longest career (spanning roughly 40 years), then he retired and married into a good family (governor's daughter).|
|Holy shit Bart musta been busy.||He used good tactics as well. My favorite was when he captured a Dutch slave ship, asked (at gunpoint) where they did their shady deals and what signals where used to tell others "shady deals here", then used those signals to lure in shady slave traders looking to buy into a trap.|
|That's awesome, you never think tactician when you think pirate. Have you looked into the oriental pirates at all? I saw a picture of a Chinese ship that was like four times the size of a British navy ship.||I have looked into Chinese a little, but mostly to look up Mrs. Chang. She was AWESOME! For the most part though my research is on colonial American Pirates.|
|What can people expect from an experience on your ship once it's built?||Once we are finished with construction and running our season passengers of regularly scheduled tours will get to enjoy cruises where they learn about pirate history, hear sea shanties sung by the crew, get to help raise sails and take a turn at the helm, see black powder flintlocks fired, and enjoy some time out on the water. People who charter the Defiance will have the option to do the same, or enjoy their time with us however they would like. School groups will have all the options of a normal cruise, and we'll work with teachers to incorporate their experiences with what is going on in the classroom. Oh, and as long as we can swing it we'll also have overnight guests.|
|The overnight thing was going to be my next question. Will people be able to hire the ship and crew for their own event? And if so, for how long... and how many people can you accommodate?||Ok, overnight is going to be subject to getting the US Coast Guard to do overnight guests. We'll have 13 bunks onboard, 3 of which will be for crew, so 10 guests can stay over at a time. People will be able to charter Defiance for private events, like wedding, etc. And really, they can do it for an hour to a whole day, to however much they want to pay for. We should be a 45-49 passenger rated vessel once completed.|
|What type of ship are you trying to build?||We are building a "pinky" schooner. It's called that because of the pinched aft. these vessels developed in New England after the old Chebacco fishing boats.|
|Are going with the schooner because of being in New England, or is it your favorite?||Mostly because it is very New England. My favorite vessel is actually the brigantine. I have been sailing on one for the last few years and they are really fun! But the pinky schooner is as RI as the quahog.|
|What would you do if I showed up in my Pirate Hunter shirt and gear from my time in Africa?||Depends where I saw you. At the pub I'd wonder how you got by the doorman, on the boat I'd ask if you knew that we were reenactors.|
|What would you say are the minimum requirements for a pirate costume?||Minimum: Sailor's slops, osnaburg shirt, neckerchief.|
|a well worn axe!||I love my boarding axe. And my broad axes. And my tomahawks. ;) BTW- good call on knowing the most popular weapon of the age.|
|How often is the phrase "poop deck" put to good use in your line of work?||There is a lot of jokes about the poop deck. But you'd actually do your business off the bow, or the head, of the vessel. Poop deck just refers to the highest deck over the aft cabin.|
|What have you learned about pirates that's surprised you the most?||The broad range of who they were. For example, Edward Teach (Thatch), AKA Blackbeard was a large and imposing figure with a very rough reputation. This was carefully cultivated to make his job easier. However, accounts from people taken by Blackbeard mostly say that they were treated well by him, and he kept his men from harming them too. Meanwhile, people like Charles Vain also had reputations for violence. And this is because he was a sadist, and liked to hurt people.|
|Have you ever thought about formatting the buccaneer language into a translator app so's we can all talk pirate properly? I mean talk into a phone or computer and our words would be translated into pirate.||Nope. I am technologically impaired. :)|
|Also, sailors talk like everyone else, except they have terms that many people don't know what they mean. For instance, If I asked you to tack the outer jib to port and meet me at the binnacle so we could set the spanker because someone crossed our hawse, most people would have no idea what I meant.|
|They will when you make the app! Just sounds like a fun way to maybe raise a little extra money for you guys if you could swing it...||I'll toss the idea at a few of my more technology minded crew. I'm muddled at a lot past 1800.|
|Are you in need of a Captain? I'll settle for nothing less.||Actually, yes. Do you have your 100 ton license?|
|Psh, I'm a pirate... Who needs a license||Coast Guard, and they outnumber us. ;p.|
|But I'm Captain Jack, mate.||In that case I shall allow you to parlay with the Coast Guard. Good luck. God speed. :) I'm sure it will work out very well.|
|I knew you'd warm up to me. Now, we'll need a crew, and I'm granting you title of commodore.||I'll need a big hat. No feather though. They get too chewed up in the Block and tackles.|
|Best I can do with the resources at hand...||I'll accept that!|
|Sid mier's pirates? Probably now very accurate considering on the hardest difficulty cutlasses were useless.||For better accuracy you should have gone over the rail with an axe. Swords were damned expensive back in the day.|
|Never thought of that, come to think of it no one in that game looked poor or dirty at all.||I have some kit that is more patches than original by now. Work clothes get worn down quick in the sea air, with plenty to catch on.|
|bullet holes.||And people trying to stab you with pikes, swords, and knives. Not to mention axes chopping at you. Then there's powder burns, and the blood and powder residue getting rubbed into the material.This is why every Wednesday should be a "make and mend" day.|
|How can I become as cool as you?||Hard work, practice, remember to laugh often and love hard.|
|I used to enjoy the old simulation game Pirates. If you've played it, how accurate is it?||I have. It is ok as far as fun, and what cannons can do to another vessel, but story is Hollywood inspired, and it doesn't really let you get the feel of how wind and sail interact. You can get way too into the wind.|
|I remember it was a pain to sail against the wind, so reality is even worse? I know that ships can move forward against the wind.||It was a pain in the game, but yes: in reality it is worse. Especially on a square rigger. Fore and aft rigged vessels can get a bit more into the wind, but not much past 70 degrees.|
|Is your mortal enemy, a ninja?||No. I have some very good friends who are ninja. My mortal enemy is a bar tender with my tab.|
|No wenches?||There are wenches in this world, and I have loved too few.|
|Do you watch One Piece?||Can't say that I do. I watch very little TV, and tend to be way behind on popular culture. I actually just finished Battlestar Galactica for the first time.|
|In your honest opinion, who do you think would win in a fight, pirates or ninjas?||Depends on the ninja and the pirates in question. Much like the Knight verses Pirate question earlier, there is no easy answer to this.|
|Lets say that the ninjas in question were sent from the emporer to assassinate black bart and his crew.||I'd get a tub of popcorn and watch that.|
|Is it equal numbers, 1 pirate per ninja? Is this on the land or the water? Are the pirates taken unawares, or do they see the ninjas on the approaching vessel? Who is and isn't drunk on both sides (I've seen ninjas drink, no denying they are sloppy drunks). Very complex question.|
|What was your biggest pirate mix-up?||Not quiet sure what you mean, but I'll take it you mean mistake. In which case I'd say going onto a human gyroscope ride but forgetting that I had a knife in my belt (all good sailors carry knives). After a few minutes of whirling about the knife came out of its sheath and smacked me dead in the eye. Luckily, handle first. I needed to wear an eye patch for about a week.|
|What is your favorite pirate movie?||Hard to say. I like the first Pirates of the Caribbean, but hate all the others. I also am a fan of Capt. Blood.|
|Have you ever had sex on a pirate ship? Was there a talking parrot in the room.||Yes and no, in that order.|
|I was told there would be rum.||There is usually rum. And beer. And sometimes wine. And whatever else we can get our hands on. It is actually kind of surprising the amount of free drinks pirates get at bars.|
|I would think the free drinks would either be obtained because the bartender was afraid of getting hurt or robbed or looked up to the life of a pirate and wished to be one.||It is often the other patrons who buy. You get talking, and they ask questions, then buy drinks. Or you can just sing some shanties and next thing you know others are buying you drinks.|
|Such a great question! People always think the pirate life looks so swashbunklingly easy.||There is a lot of fun in my work. I get to sail, talk to people from around the world about a subject I love, play with swords and guns in public, and as mentioned elsewhere often get free drinks in bars.|
|On the other hand, I've been stabbed while giving sword demos, rained on, bumped, bruised, and had many obnoxious people come into my life, even if briefly.|
|In all, I'll keep doing it.|
|No direct link yet (it exists but there is nothing in it just yet. Though keep an eye out for "Raging Romans". I have a HEAP of episodes penned which are about to be animated but if you had any questions no matter how silly -ask them. Like you I love answering what I can.||Very good. Looking forward to it. I like some Roman history, but I usually root for whomever they are attacking. I love Terry Jones' Barbarians series. On Youtube if you have not seen.|
|You awesomely crashed my friends' wedding a few years back. don't have a question, just saying.. but if you want to talk about it, thats ool too.||HAH! Where did we do this? Newport? Rockport? I have crashed several wedding I am semi-proud to say. I hope they didn't mind. Most don't.|
|No, I believe this was welcomed; it was Laura and Zeppo's (I hope that's not too identifying for the GP)||Yep. That was fun. We also had a sword fight at Jason and Kim's. :)|
|Oh damn, I missed it!||Kinda. As I said in my edit, I'll still answer as I can.|
|Yeah, you might be if you are using an alternate or another account to push your ama through as this is 13 minutes old and has been used primarily for this ama.||Sorry, joysiren isn't me. Keep trolling though. You could go pro.|
|Pirates murder people.||Yes, pirates murder people. A lot of people murder people.|
|Why should people give you money?||You should pledge to the Kickstarter for cool rewards, and to help fund educational programming if that is what you're into.|
|You are crazy.||I've been called worse.|
|No I normally only fund people with a sense of humour.||I have a great sense of humor.|